Expectation vs Reality

So I’m writing this after quite some time of being away from the page. I’ve not been away for any other reason than being busy with getting on with life. Something during my time away that has occurred to me is what I expected of a DDLG relationship in comparison to how it manifests within reality.

When I thought it through, and after the suggestion of it from my Little, I realised there is quite the difference from what I expected against what actually occurs. I think it’s a very healthy idea to go back and re-evaluate your expectations and whether or not you are over or underperforming.

I know that there are a few things that far surpassed my expectations and a few things I realise I have to work on to bring them to where I originally imagined they would be. I wouldn’t have realised this without this reflection and so here is what I’d like to share with you.


The Bond

I didn’t quite know how else to title that one, but when I first thought about a DDLG relationship, I don’t know if I overlooked the closeness of what it is or whether I just wasn’t prepared for it. However, I can tell you now that the connection I have made with my Little is deep and enlightening. It’s a bond that I certainly know will never break. I look at her and it deeply touches me how much I want to look after her.

I have moments where I want to scoop her up and hold her close to my chest just because she is adorable and the love I hold for her is too much to contain. Where she may not be my biological little girl. She has all the positive emotions that come with such a role, regardless to our bloodties.

I quite often look at her doing her own thing or just as she is falling to sleep or just watch her interacting with the world in her own way and it brings small tears to my eyes because I realise how lucky I am to have someone that I am so connected to through both our needs and wants, and how we both understand and appreciate what we have and what we do.

It’s a feeling that far eclipses the usual emotions that one can connect to a standard relationship and I can say with certainty that I never expected to feel like this but now that I do, I’d recommend everyone should feel this at least once.

I’d suggest that if you are a person that is free with your emotions and can fall in love and care for someone easy, prepare yourself, do not take this step lightly as if your Little begins to feel this way towards you, it’s a hard bond to break from should you wish to walk away. Think twice before jumping in. But, I can assure you, that if you jump, it will be worth it a million times over.


Interactions

Again, a title I wasn’t sure of, but I went with this anyways. The interactions I have with my Little are quite a bit different from what I expected.

I expected that within a DDLG relationship the Little would be in little space for a period of time then come out of it and return back to big space once they had satisfied their needs. This was what I thought, although not what I wanted. I wanted a Little that was little most of the time, if not all the time. I wanted them to have little tendencies that were ever present in their behaviour and was able to blend being Big and Little together seamlessly.

My Little girl is exactly what I wanted and everything is never expected.

She is always little, her voice, her expressions, her body language and her mannerisms are all Little, even when she is reluctantly having to be Big. She manages to perfect the art of blending so well that it makes me so proud. She can be Little even when she is in a situation that she feels she needs to be Big, and this, for me, is such an attractive quality and it shows how advanced and comfortable my little one can be.

We can do the everyday things such as walk the town or do food shopping, and she can make herself appear big, while still being little. I think this natural ability to do this really shows how much of a little she really is. It’s not put on for pleasure, it’s not a show in order to be part of a community, it’s her personality, almost akin to a sexuality, she cannot help who she is and she embraces it with both hands.

It’s beautiful and I wouldn’t have it any other way, I’m so proud of her and so proud of how we do the things we do.


My behaviour

When I think about a Daddy, (while removing myself from my mind) I’m met with images of this cold, stern and suit wearing man with sharp hair and a clean appearance. Their behaviour towards their Little is dominating and structured. Very minimal care and very little compassion while flooding their Little with rules and restrictions and punishing them whenever they transgress.

This image is damaging as this is what I believed I had to be, which is both unnatural for me and not good for any Little who needs loving care. This idea of being cold and punishing towards my Little does not come naturally but I genuinely believed that’s what I had to be.

This wouldn’t have been good for either of us and would likely have resulted in a damaged relationship at best, and potentially a non-existent one at worst.

In reality, my behaviour is caring, doting and sometimes too easily pushed over. It’s very similar behaviour to what you’d expect a father with his familial daughter would be.

I try my best to give my Little everything she needs. I care for her actively and passively. That may be a confusing idea for some, but let me define my terms.

Active caring is making food, bringing drinks, back rubs, playing toys, doing colour etc etc. Whereas passive caring is all the things one may do which does not involve an interaction, such as saving money to buy presents, making sure future events are suitable for my Little, overseeing their development etc.

This is where I’ve got to hold my hands up and admit I’m not perfect and I think it’s very important that I do so. I wouldn’t want anyone reading this to think that I’m the proverbial bible of DDLG. I’m far from it. I sometimes forget to do small things such as getting my littles clothes ready, or reminding them to eat proper breakfast and not just biscuits. I’m not perfect, even my language needs improving, sometimes I slip up and reference a biological babies as “real babies” and that hurts my Little as she’ll think I’m not taking her feelings and emotion seriously.

Words are very very important within any relationship. Within a DDLG relationships however, they’re extra important, you need to have those boundary defining words. Those caring words. Those calculated words in order to get your message across as you intend. I know I can improve in this area massively, it takes time and understanding and I’ll know I’ll get there.

So in conclusion with my behaviour, I didn’t expect there would be so many levels to consider but it goes even deeper than I’ve explained here. Emotions and feelings are at stake, and so is someone precious so getting your behaviour right for your DDLG relationship is very important. However, it is okay to make mistakes and learn. Room has to be made for the two of you to grow together, otherwise, you’ll grow apart and no one wants that.


Others Perception

So this is an interesting learning curve upon entering a DDLG relationship. Obviously, for me, this type of relationship feels very natural. Taking care of someone and taking responsibility for their upbringing is just who I am and what I want in my relationships. But for others, who don’t like the idea of this type of relationship and those who don’t necessarily understand DDLG relationships, consider them strange at best, and disgusting at worst.

I am no stranger to understanding why others consider a DDLG relationship to be weird, or intriguing, or vile, or wrong. It’s all about the perception of what is happening. Two consenting adults are taking on parent/child roles due to their personality wants and needs. I understand that people who do not feel these needs may recoil at the idea of people who do. However, just because these people recoil, does not take away how important and how amazing a DDLG relationship can be.

When thinking of a DDLG relationship, my expectation was that DDLG is rare and very rarely entered into. I was pleasantly surprised when, through research, I found that many people across the world are involved in a DDLG relationship and there are even communities of people who meet to discuss their needs and their interests.

This made me firmly believe that this relationship is valid and normal for the people with it. It does not need to be hidden and it does not need to be silenced.

If you are someone in this type of relationship, you will need to determine how you wish to proceed. You can be secretive and keep things within the confines of your own home. Or you can be free and allow your boundaries to be limitless. Either way is valid and either way is still a DDLG relationship.

Try not to worry about the thoughts and judgements of others as I’m sure every person has a secret that if you found out, they’d be scared of judgement also. Be yourself and that way you’ll certainly be happier.


I think this concludes my expectations vs reality. It’s been a long while writing this. I also had to experience more, hence why I’ve been away from the page for a while.

This post may get updated from time to time as I want it to reflect my stance at all times.

Thank you for reading!

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