Expectation vs Reality

So I’m writing this after quite some time of being away from the page. I’ve not been away for any other reason than being busy with getting on with life. Something during my time away that has occurred to me is what I expected of a DDLG relationship in comparison to how it manifests within reality.

When I thought it through, and after the suggestion of it from my Little, I realised there is quite the difference from what I expected against what actually occurs. I think it’s a very healthy idea to go back and re-evaluate your expectations and whether or not you are over or underperforming.

I know that there are a few things that far surpassed my expectations and a few things I realise I have to work on to bring them to where I originally imagined they would be. I wouldn’t have realised this without this reflection and so here is what I’d like to share with you.


The Bond

I didn’t quite know how else to title that one, but when I first thought about a DDLG relationship, I don’t know if I overlooked the closeness of what it is or whether I just wasn’t prepared for it. However, I can tell you now that the connection I have made with my Little is deep and enlightening. It’s a bond that I certainly know will never break. I look at her and it deeply touches me how much I want to look after her.

I have moments where I want to scoop her up and hold her close to my chest just because she is adorable and the love I hold for her is too much to contain. Where she may not be my biological little girl. She has all the positive emotions that come with such a role, regardless to our bloodties.

I quite often look at her doing her own thing or just as she is falling to sleep or just watch her interacting with the world in her own way and it brings small tears to my eyes because I realise how lucky I am to have someone that I am so connected to through both our needs and wants, and how we both understand and appreciate what we have and what we do.

It’s a feeling that far eclipses the usual emotions that one can connect to a standard relationship and I can say with certainty that I never expected to feel like this but now that I do, I’d recommend everyone should feel this at least once.

I’d suggest that if you are a person that is free with your emotions and can fall in love and care for someone easy, prepare yourself, do not take this step lightly as if your Little begins to feel this way towards you, it’s a hard bond to break from should you wish to walk away. Think twice before jumping in. But, I can assure you, that if you jump, it will be worth it a million times over.


Interactions

Again, a title I wasn’t sure of, but I went with this anyways. The interactions I have with my Little are quite a bit different from what I expected.

I expected that within a DDLG relationship the Little would be in little space for a period of time then come out of it and return back to big space once they had satisfied their needs. This was what I thought, although not what I wanted. I wanted a Little that was little most of the time, if not all the time. I wanted them to have little tendencies that were ever present in their behaviour and was able to blend being Big and Little together seamlessly.

My Little girl is exactly what I wanted and everything is never expected.

She is always little, her voice, her expressions, her body language and her mannerisms are all Little, even when she is reluctantly having to be Big. She manages to perfect the art of blending so well that it makes me so proud. She can be Little even when she is in a situation that she feels she needs to be Big, and this, for me, is such an attractive quality and it shows how advanced and comfortable my little one can be.

We can do the everyday things such as walk the town or do food shopping, and she can make herself appear big, while still being little. I think this natural ability to do this really shows how much of a little she really is. It’s not put on for pleasure, it’s not a show in order to be part of a community, it’s her personality, almost akin to a sexuality, she cannot help who she is and she embraces it with both hands.

It’s beautiful and I wouldn’t have it any other way, I’m so proud of her and so proud of how we do the things we do.


My behaviour

When I think about a Daddy, (while removing myself from my mind) I’m met with images of this cold, stern and suit wearing man with sharp hair and a clean appearance. Their behaviour towards their Little is dominating and structured. Very minimal care and very little compassion while flooding their Little with rules and restrictions and punishing them whenever they transgress.

This image is damaging as this is what I believed I had to be, which is both unnatural for me and not good for any Little who needs loving care. This idea of being cold and punishing towards my Little does not come naturally but I genuinely believed that’s what I had to be.

This wouldn’t have been good for either of us and would likely have resulted in a damaged relationship at best, and potentially a non-existent one at worst.

In reality, my behaviour is caring, doting and sometimes too easily pushed over. It’s very similar behaviour to what you’d expect a father with his familial daughter would be.

I try my best to give my Little everything she needs. I care for her actively and passively. That may be a confusing idea for some, but let me define my terms.

Active caring is making food, bringing drinks, back rubs, playing toys, doing colour etc etc. Whereas passive caring is all the things one may do which does not involve an interaction, such as saving money to buy presents, making sure future events are suitable for my Little, overseeing their development etc.

This is where I’ve got to hold my hands up and admit I’m not perfect and I think it’s very important that I do so. I wouldn’t want anyone reading this to think that I’m the proverbial bible of DDLG. I’m far from it. I sometimes forget to do small things such as getting my littles clothes ready, or reminding them to eat proper breakfast and not just biscuits. I’m not perfect, even my language needs improving, sometimes I slip up and reference a biological babies as “real babies” and that hurts my Little as she’ll think I’m not taking her feelings and emotion seriously.

Words are very very important within any relationship. Within a DDLG relationships however, they’re extra important, you need to have those boundary defining words. Those caring words. Those calculated words in order to get your message across as you intend. I know I can improve in this area massively, it takes time and understanding and I’ll know I’ll get there.

So in conclusion with my behaviour, I didn’t expect there would be so many levels to consider but it goes even deeper than I’ve explained here. Emotions and feelings are at stake, and so is someone precious so getting your behaviour right for your DDLG relationship is very important. However, it is okay to make mistakes and learn. Room has to be made for the two of you to grow together, otherwise, you’ll grow apart and no one wants that.


Others Perception

So this is an interesting learning curve upon entering a DDLG relationship. Obviously, for me, this type of relationship feels very natural. Taking care of someone and taking responsibility for their upbringing is just who I am and what I want in my relationships. But for others, who don’t like the idea of this type of relationship and those who don’t necessarily understand DDLG relationships, consider them strange at best, and disgusting at worst.

I am no stranger to understanding why others consider a DDLG relationship to be weird, or intriguing, or vile, or wrong. It’s all about the perception of what is happening. Two consenting adults are taking on parent/child roles due to their personality wants and needs. I understand that people who do not feel these needs may recoil at the idea of people who do. However, just because these people recoil, does not take away how important and how amazing a DDLG relationship can be.

When thinking of a DDLG relationship, my expectation was that DDLG is rare and very rarely entered into. I was pleasantly surprised when, through research, I found that many people across the world are involved in a DDLG relationship and there are even communities of people who meet to discuss their needs and their interests.

This made me firmly believe that this relationship is valid and normal for the people with it. It does not need to be hidden and it does not need to be silenced.

If you are someone in this type of relationship, you will need to determine how you wish to proceed. You can be secretive and keep things within the confines of your own home. Or you can be free and allow your boundaries to be limitless. Either way is valid and either way is still a DDLG relationship.

Try not to worry about the thoughts and judgements of others as I’m sure every person has a secret that if you found out, they’d be scared of judgement also. Be yourself and that way you’ll certainly be happier.


I think this concludes my expectations vs reality. It’s been a long while writing this. I also had to experience more, hence why I’ve been away from the page for a while.

This post may get updated from time to time as I want it to reflect my stance at all times.

Thank you for reading!

Letting your Little look after you.

As a Daddy, having your Little looking after you may feel alien. May even feel wrong, depending on your stance. But there isn’t anything wrong with having someone who looks up to you wanting to take care of you.

I speak from experience. My Little quite often likes to sit and rub my hair when I get in from work to relax me after a long day. She also likes to do nice things for me to cheer me up if I’m feeling down. She’ll fetch me a glass of water if I have a headache and she’ll grab me snacks if I’m hungry. This all comes from a place of love and admiration from her as I am her Daddy.

Her behaviour is reflective. She behaves that way because she is treated that way (and also just an extremely lovely human being!!). She has learned parts of that behaviour from observation, and she demonstrates it because she knows that it shows she cares. It earns her praise also, and I know that Littles, especially my one, loves praise.

In short, to make me feel better, makes her feel good and that’s why it’s important to let her do that when she wants to. Im not there to obstruct her development and she is developing into a kind and caring girl and that makes me proud.

Its a nice thing to be looked after by anyone. It’s a comforting thought that someone who loves you is taking the time to care for you. As a Daddy, there is nothing wrong with admitting you’re sad, hurt, upset or anything else slightly negative. You’re only human like the rest of the people on the planet. You’re allowed to experience these emotions when in the presence of your Little. I’m sure that your Little will want to make their Daddy feel better and I feel it’s important that you allow that to occur. It teaches your Little that care and admiration are important, and also that their Daddy isn’t infallible and he has emotions too.

Next time your Little pays you attention or wants to do something nice for you, let them, it will tighten the bond of your relationship and it will make your Little feel a lot more involved and important and that they have they ability and means to cheer up/make better, their Daddy.

5 Things I like to do as a Daddy

Have you ever wondered what other Daddys do? I know I have, and I’ve even watched YouTube videos and read posts just to find out. So I felt like a little list of things I like to do as a Daddy would help anyone searching for such a thing.

Keep in mind though that everyone is an individual and you may not want to do the things I do, or even agree with things I say. That’s okay, we all have different approaches. That being said, you may enjoy all the things I put on here and decide to adopt them into your lifestyle also! And that’s okay!

I hope, for whatever reason you’re here, that you find some use out of this list. So here are my five things I like to do as a Daddy:


1. Be available to be contacted by my Little

This is SO important to me. You have committed yourself to a Little. Therefore you should (within reason: i.e. work permitting) always be reachable by your Little. Your Little needs to feel safe and cared for, wanted and loved. Being able to be in contact often will only serve to strengthen any relationship and maintain the connection developed between you to as Daddy and Little.


2. Engaging in activities with my Little

Whether this be doing a painting, colouring in an activity book, watching a film, going for a walk, or having a tickle time; joining in with an activity that your Little wants to do is important. They are inviting you into their space because they want to have you there with them. Little space is a beautiful time for watch and learn as a Daddy, you can see what stimulates your Little and be involved with their activities with them. Thats a privilege any Daddy should be grateful for.


3. Having a set Routine for my Little

I have a routine set with my Little. A time she should wake up, a time she should go to bed. How many times to brush her teeth, how many showers she should have in a week and a list of chores, both daily and monthly. This helps our lifestyle stay structured, it also helps her know what I expect of her and how she can follow it. This also grants her the ability to earn rewards by being a good girl and sticking to her routines, while it also leaves room for improvements and punishments should she be lax on her adherence to the schedules. A routine is a great way to keep structure and familiarity in your DDLG lifestyle and I highly recommend it.


4. Affection with my Little

This feels obvious but there is a deeper reason. To connect with someone physically is one of the most emotionally rewarding acts you can have. In a DDLG relationship, the Daddy and the Little have a closer bond than most. The Little has submitted themselves to their Daddy through acts of love, trust, need and admiration. The Daddy has committed himself to his Little by way of caring, love, protection and development towards his Little. It’s an entwining of two people who need one another. To combine this with acts of physical affection really does forge a deep bond and relationship between the two parties. I often find myself in deep need of just hugs and closeness with my little one. It’s a craving that can last all day until satisfied. It’s not always a sexual need as a DDLG relationship is not just about sex (unless yours is, then good for you!), it’s about caregiving and loving, protection and safety, learning and development, and just physical affection in any form is perfect.


5. Being with my Little in the big world

This one may sound weird, and potentially, it is. I love going out with my Little in public places and letting her explore and be herself. This is in parks, shopping centres, restaurants etc. She feels safe and protected when she is with me and this allows her to be free and ‘Little’ whenever she likes. She can be in her Littlespace while we are out and it’s adorable for me to watch and even better for me to be a part of. It makes me genuinely so happy to watch her running through shops showing me all the things she thinks is pretty or fun, because knowing she feels safe enough to be herself wherever she wants to be makes me realise I am doing the right thing as her Daddy.


Thank you for reading these. I hope they’ve given you a bit of an insight into both me and a lifestyle of a Daddy!

How not to be afraid of being a Daddy.

This feels like a massive irony writing this considering that I still have moments in which I am cautious of my actions. That being said, I know that my behaviour is a personal thing and that I know how to move past it, and this is what I want to write about.

I have moments where I think I’m being too ‘daddy’. For example, my Little mentioned recently that she needed something to bite on as she kept biting her dummy, so I decided to buy her some teething rings from our local shop. As I picked them off the shelf, I began to question myself as to whether this was ‘too much’. I still bought the rings as I had decided that this was something that I wanted to do. However, that moment of questioning myself was present, and thankfully, it was totally unnecessary as my Little loved the teething rings and has been using them ever since. On the flip side, I also have moments where I feel I’m not being ‘daddy’ enough. Such as times where I feel she needs punishment and I don’t give it because I don’t want to be too harsh or I’ve already punished her for other misdemeanours earlier in the day and don’t want to be too overboard with the daddy-ing.

This kind of doubt of my own actions causes inconsistency for my Little, she doesn’t get a constant stream of behaviour from me and it can throw her expectations of her own behaviour off. I find it also undermines my authority and care as her Daddy as I’ve had moments where I’ve punished her for bad words, and then she argues back telling me that I’ve let her say bad words the day previous and she didn’t know it was wrong. This is all down to my inconsistency through fear of getting it wrong.

You should never be scared to be a Daddy to your Little. You should act as you see fit, and always with strength, love and compassion.

This brings me on how not to be scared.

This is a mentality issue that you have to overcome. You have to think of the facts and the plain truth is that your Little wants YOU to be their Daddy. They have requested it and they expect it from YOU. You need to be confident in your actions and do what you want to do. Act how you feel is natural to your interpretation of your role, and you’ll probably find that your Little will respond well to your actions as this is what they expect of you.

You’re good at what you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be where you are.

Having confidence with your actions will translate across to your Little that you are trustworthy and safe, and that they can grow under you as their Daddy. Your Little will look up to you and see you as a role model, you have to understand that however your actions are delivered is how they will learn from you. So make sure you’re displaying the right attitude and that will ensure your Little does the same back.

As a Daddy, you are powerful. You’ve been given the permission to control and shape your little one. You must do so with respect, but also with determination. Do not be afraid to be yourself. Care and love your Little. Guide them through life and teach them lessons so that they will grow with you as their Daddy and not apart from you.

Ultimately, you really have nothing to be afraid of if you have good intentions at heart. Let go of your fears and be yourself and I can assure you that your Little will love you more for it.

Why Communication is Important in a DDLG relationship.

Communication is key, that’s the saying right? Well, I can tell you from previous experiences, it’s the absolute truth. Especially within a DDLG relationship where caregiving is a core component of what we do as Daddys.

Too often, people fail to communicate with one another, whether it be about problems or recognising successes. This causes friction when you don’t know what you’re doing right, and don’t know what you’re doing wrong.

In a DDLG relationship, you have to communicate well in order to make it a successful and fulfilling partnership. Especially considering that the both of you are treading into each others vulnerable space within your heads. Imagine opening up to another person about an intimate part of your personality such as being a Little or a Daddy, only to find the other person doesn’t take you seriously or hasn’t quite grasped the way in which you wish to experience such a part of your desires.

You need to have strong communication both before and during your Daddy and Little relationship beginning. You, as a Daddy, have to understand what your Little’s needs and wants are. Some Little’s will require constant love and attention, whereas, some may only want a Daddy during certain times. The manner in which they ask you to be their Daddy is equally as important. Do they want you to read them a bed time story, tuck them in, feed them, and be a caregiver? Or, is it a sexual desire they wish you to fullfil? or something inbetween, or all together different?

These are good questions to have answered at the beginning of any relationship. Knowing this will help you navigate the relationship together and therefore forging a stronger and more secure bond between the both of you.

Ultimately, you should both always continue to discuss your wants and needs, you should grow and evolve together and this can be done through thought out and considered communication.

What is being a Daddy about?

So this is an interesting subject. Being a Daddy, and the reasons behind becoming a Daddy, differs from person to person. Some become a Daddy for the exercising of control over another individual, some for the sexual adventures within the bounds of a DDLG relationship, and some because they simply have a desire to look after another human being. There are many possible reasons to why someone has become a Daddy, but ultimately, your reason is the only one that should matter to you.

I discovered my Daddy tendencies by chance, through conversation and sexual play, I realised that the idea of looking after a dependant was something I inherently enjoyed. It was an odd discovery, but when I started to realise exactly what it was, everything else began to make sense. I looked back at different moments in my life and what I enjoyed within them, and it all began to point to the same conclusion: I am a Daddy.

One of the biggest loves for me as a Daddy is the caregiving side to the relationship. When my Little needs me to look after her, its so fulfilling. She wants me because I am her Daddy and I give to her the things she requires, such as safety, protection, love, attention and more. I love moments when she comes to me and calls me Daddy because she needs me to help her, I really feel like I have a purpose to fulfil. To have a Little and to be responsible for their welfare is a massive honour in my eyes, as to have another person give themselves up to you because they trust you and want you to be a part of their life is the ultimate act of devotion.

Because of the dynamics of our relationship, I am responsible for the way in which my Little functions on a day to day basis. She requires a lot of love and attention and I am more than happy to oblige, as I thrive off giving her the care she requires. Just a few things I do for her include:

  • Picking her clothes
  • Keeping her hydrated
  • Keeping her fed
  • Keeping her entertained
  • Making sure she is hygienic

I also keep her happy by joining her in activities such as watching TV or doing arts and crafts together. These moments of bonding are beautiful and rewarding within a DDLG relationship. Truthfully, this is why I became a Daddy.

Ultimately, I find that being a Daddy is about giving care and attention to your Little. Be it through a sexual capacity, or a caregiving one, through a physical relationship or a long distance one. The premise behind a DDLG relationship is the same. The Daddy is there to look after the Little in which ever way is necessary and appropriate.

Daddy Style

When I first began exploring the ‘Daddy’ side of my life, I searched for help as I was unsure of how to undertake the role of the Daddy. I had my natural instinct, but I think through conversation, and maybe even modern media depictions of the ‘dominant role’, I seemed to have a misconception around what a Daddy should be.

In my search I found very little from the perspective of a Daddy, and even less helpful content within that still. This is why I chose to write this blog, in hope that others may read the journey that I am on and also find their questions or curiosities answered. I am also aiming to have this blog provide some insight into the rewards and challenges of having a Little and being a Daddy as there are things I wish I knew at the beginning of my journey and I wish to share that with you too.

So I want to share with you a bit of context about myself as a Daddy first.

When my relationship with my Little began, and as previously mentioned, I struggled to understand what type of Daddy I was. I started by thinking I had to be a cold, hard stern figure that dished punishments out like sweets who also enjoyed causing pain to my Little. I very quickly learned that that style felt so very unnatural to me as it did not fit with my personality. My Little (who is also my girlfriend) indicated to me that she was not into that kind of treatment and I found that she did not respond to it well, nor respond in the way that I wanted her too.

I realised change was needed and through discussion and exploration with my Little, I learned that I had to be natural and true to myself within my approach. I am a naturally caring person and that is my Daddy style, as I will always lean on the side of progression, learning and development of my Little through care, love and attention rather than a forceful and dominant approach; akin to an ruling with an iron fist.

We both preferred this caring approach rather than the cold dominant style that may work for others, as it was something that felt a lot more natural to us and it has continued to be the way we are in our relationship, to great enjoyment from us both.

What I found is that as a Daddy, you have to act the way in which you find the most appropriate to you. Do not try to be something that does not come naturally to you as that will lead to a forced relationship with your Little. This isn’t beneficial to either of you, if you also consider the space that a Little finds themselves in with their Daddy, its a potentially damaging situation to bring a Little into a DDLG relationship that does not have the kind of caregiving that they may need as a Little trusts, loves and relies on their Daddy and often looks to them in times of emotional and physical need (this is true of both sexual and non-sexual DDLG relationships). Firstly, you need to care for yourself as a Daddy and make sure you have your emotions and needs in check and in the right place before you find yourself a Little that you will be in a position of power and care over.

I find that communication is vital within any DDLG relationship (within any relationship for that fact!). Make sure channels of conversation are available to be open at all times with your Little, as they may need to talk to you about things they may or may not be happy with. Something to watch for as a Daddy is that your Little maybe too shy to speak to you about something they are unhappy with. Consider that your Little is under your care and that they put you in a position of authority and power in their head. They may not be able to easily bring up a problem with you in fear of a negative reaction from you as a their Daddy. Imagine a child trying to tell their father that they have a problem with their parenting skills. It can be a daunting task. I have found a few easy ways to engage with my Little and allow her to speak to me freely. Here are a few ideas for you to try:

  • Set aside a specific time every week i.e. 9pm on a Tuesday, that you and your Little can sit and chat to one another and know that there will be no judgement of anything spoken about during that time.
  • Create a space in your home that is known as the ‘Conversation Spot’ (call it what you like, obviously!) and whenever you are both sat in the spot, you know you can have open and honest conversation.
  • Have an item that represents a time to speak freely and whenever either one of you holds it, it is a symbol to the other that a conversation is wanted.

These are just a few ways in which you can create a space or time that makes it easier to have an open conversation with one another. Remember, it does not always need to be about problems either. You can have a conversation about good things that you both are enjoying or maybe things you may like to do or try together. Don’t just use it for a space to complain as you would not want to create a negative attachment to your conversation space as that may bring fear or sadness to you or your Little whenever the space is utilised.

I strongly recommend to everyone that you converse with one another to understand both your needs within your relationship and that way you will find yourself in a beneficial, fun and fulfilling DDLG relationship.