When I first began exploring the ‘Daddy’ side of my life, I searched for help as I was unsure of how to undertake the role of the Daddy. I had my natural instinct, but I think through conversation, and maybe even modern media depictions of the ‘dominant role’, I seemed to have a misconception around what a Daddy should be.
In my search I found very little from the perspective of a Daddy, and even less helpful content within that still. This is why I chose to write this blog, in hope that others may read the journey that I am on and also find their questions or curiosities answered. I am also aiming to have this blog provide some insight into the rewards and challenges of having a Little and being a Daddy as there are things I wish I knew at the beginning of my journey and I wish to share that with you too.
So I want to share with you a bit of context about myself as a Daddy first.
When my relationship with my Little began, and as previously mentioned, I struggled to understand what type of Daddy I was. I started by thinking I had to be a cold, hard stern figure that dished punishments out like sweets who also enjoyed causing pain to my Little. I very quickly learned that that style felt so very unnatural to me as it did not fit with my personality. My Little (who is also my girlfriend) indicated to me that she was not into that kind of treatment and I found that she did not respond to it well, nor respond in the way that I wanted her too.
I realised change was needed and through discussion and exploration with my Little, I learned that I had to be natural and true to myself within my approach. I am a naturally caring person and that is my Daddy style, as I will always lean on the side of progression, learning and development of my Little through care, love and attention rather than a forceful and dominant approach; akin to an ruling with an iron fist.
We both preferred this caring approach rather than the cold dominant style that may work for others, as it was something that felt a lot more natural to us and it has continued to be the way we are in our relationship, to great enjoyment from us both.
What I found is that as a Daddy, you have to act the way in which you find the most appropriate to you. Do not try to be something that does not come naturally to you as that will lead to a forced relationship with your Little. This isn’t beneficial to either of you, if you also consider the space that a Little finds themselves in with their Daddy, its a potentially damaging situation to bring a Little into a DDLG relationship that does not have the kind of caregiving that they may need as a Little trusts, loves and relies on their Daddy and often looks to them in times of emotional and physical need (this is true of both sexual and non-sexual DDLG relationships). Firstly, you need to care for yourself as a Daddy and make sure you have your emotions and needs in check and in the right place before you find yourself a Little that you will be in a position of power and care over.
I find that communication is vital within any DDLG relationship (within any relationship for that fact!). Make sure channels of conversation are available to be open at all times with your Little, as they may need to talk to you about things they may or may not be happy with. Something to watch for as a Daddy is that your Little maybe too shy to speak to you about something they are unhappy with. Consider that your Little is under your care and that they put you in a position of authority and power in their head. They may not be able to easily bring up a problem with you in fear of a negative reaction from you as a their Daddy. Imagine a child trying to tell their father that they have a problem with their parenting skills. It can be a daunting task. I have found a few easy ways to engage with my Little and allow her to speak to me freely. Here are a few ideas for you to try:
- Set aside a specific time every week i.e. 9pm on a Tuesday, that you and your Little can sit and chat to one another and know that there will be no judgement of anything spoken about during that time.
- Create a space in your home that is known as the ‘Conversation Spot’ (call it what you like, obviously!) and whenever you are both sat in the spot, you know you can have open and honest conversation.
- Have an item that represents a time to speak freely and whenever either one of you holds it, it is a symbol to the other that a conversation is wanted.
These are just a few ways in which you can create a space or time that makes it easier to have an open conversation with one another. Remember, it does not always need to be about problems either. You can have a conversation about good things that you both are enjoying or maybe things you may like to do or try together. Don’t just use it for a space to complain as you would not want to create a negative attachment to your conversation space as that may bring fear or sadness to you or your Little whenever the space is utilised.
I strongly recommend to everyone that you converse with one another to understand both your needs within your relationship and that way you will find yourself in a beneficial, fun and fulfilling DDLG relationship.