Why Communication is Important in a DDLG relationship.

Communication is key, that’s the saying right? Well, I can tell you from previous experiences, it’s the absolute truth. Especially within a DDLG relationship where caregiving is a core component of what we do as Daddys.

Too often, people fail to communicate with one another, whether it be about problems or recognising successes. This causes friction when you don’t know what you’re doing right, and don’t know what you’re doing wrong.

In a DDLG relationship, you have to communicate well in order to make it a successful and fulfilling partnership. Especially considering that the both of you are treading into each others vulnerable space within your heads. Imagine opening up to another person about an intimate part of your personality such as being a Little or a Daddy, only to find the other person doesn’t take you seriously or hasn’t quite grasped the way in which you wish to experience such a part of your desires.

You need to have strong communication both before and during your Daddy and Little relationship beginning. You, as a Daddy, have to understand what your Little’s needs and wants are. Some Little’s will require constant love and attention, whereas, some may only want a Daddy during certain times. The manner in which they ask you to be their Daddy is equally as important. Do they want you to read them a bed time story, tuck them in, feed them, and be a caregiver? Or, is it a sexual desire they wish you to fullfil? or something inbetween, or all together different?

These are good questions to have answered at the beginning of any relationship. Knowing this will help you navigate the relationship together and therefore forging a stronger and more secure bond between the both of you.

Ultimately, you should both always continue to discuss your wants and needs, you should grow and evolve together and this can be done through thought out and considered communication.

What is being a Daddy about?

So this is an interesting subject. Being a Daddy, and the reasons behind becoming a Daddy, differs from person to person. Some become a Daddy for the exercising of control over another individual, some for the sexual adventures within the bounds of a DDLG relationship, and some because they simply have a desire to look after another human being. There are many possible reasons to why someone has become a Daddy, but ultimately, your reason is the only one that should matter to you.

I discovered my Daddy tendencies by chance, through conversation and sexual play, I realised that the idea of looking after a dependant was something I inherently enjoyed. It was an odd discovery, but when I started to realise exactly what it was, everything else began to make sense. I looked back at different moments in my life and what I enjoyed within them, and it all began to point to the same conclusion: I am a Daddy.

One of the biggest loves for me as a Daddy is the caregiving side to the relationship. When my Little needs me to look after her, its so fulfilling. She wants me because I am her Daddy and I give to her the things she requires, such as safety, protection, love, attention and more. I love moments when she comes to me and calls me Daddy because she needs me to help her, I really feel like I have a purpose to fulfil. To have a Little and to be responsible for their welfare is a massive honour in my eyes, as to have another person give themselves up to you because they trust you and want you to be a part of their life is the ultimate act of devotion.

Because of the dynamics of our relationship, I am responsible for the way in which my Little functions on a day to day basis. She requires a lot of love and attention and I am more than happy to oblige, as I thrive off giving her the care she requires. Just a few things I do for her include:

  • Picking her clothes
  • Keeping her hydrated
  • Keeping her fed
  • Keeping her entertained
  • Making sure she is hygienic

I also keep her happy by joining her in activities such as watching TV or doing arts and crafts together. These moments of bonding are beautiful and rewarding within a DDLG relationship. Truthfully, this is why I became a Daddy.

Ultimately, I find that being a Daddy is about giving care and attention to your Little. Be it through a sexual capacity, or a caregiving one, through a physical relationship or a long distance one. The premise behind a DDLG relationship is the same. The Daddy is there to look after the Little in which ever way is necessary and appropriate.

Daddy Style

When I first began exploring the ‘Daddy’ side of my life, I searched for help as I was unsure of how to undertake the role of the Daddy. I had my natural instinct, but I think through conversation, and maybe even modern media depictions of the ‘dominant role’, I seemed to have a misconception around what a Daddy should be.

In my search I found very little from the perspective of a Daddy, and even less helpful content within that still. This is why I chose to write this blog, in hope that others may read the journey that I am on and also find their questions or curiosities answered. I am also aiming to have this blog provide some insight into the rewards and challenges of having a Little and being a Daddy as there are things I wish I knew at the beginning of my journey and I wish to share that with you too.

So I want to share with you a bit of context about myself as a Daddy first.

When my relationship with my Little began, and as previously mentioned, I struggled to understand what type of Daddy I was. I started by thinking I had to be a cold, hard stern figure that dished punishments out like sweets who also enjoyed causing pain to my Little. I very quickly learned that that style felt so very unnatural to me as it did not fit with my personality. My Little (who is also my girlfriend) indicated to me that she was not into that kind of treatment and I found that she did not respond to it well, nor respond in the way that I wanted her too.

I realised change was needed and through discussion and exploration with my Little, I learned that I had to be natural and true to myself within my approach. I am a naturally caring person and that is my Daddy style, as I will always lean on the side of progression, learning and development of my Little through care, love and attention rather than a forceful and dominant approach; akin to an ruling with an iron fist.

We both preferred this caring approach rather than the cold dominant style that may work for others, as it was something that felt a lot more natural to us and it has continued to be the way we are in our relationship, to great enjoyment from us both.

What I found is that as a Daddy, you have to act the way in which you find the most appropriate to you. Do not try to be something that does not come naturally to you as that will lead to a forced relationship with your Little. This isn’t beneficial to either of you, if you also consider the space that a Little finds themselves in with their Daddy, its a potentially damaging situation to bring a Little into a DDLG relationship that does not have the kind of caregiving that they may need as a Little trusts, loves and relies on their Daddy and often looks to them in times of emotional and physical need (this is true of both sexual and non-sexual DDLG relationships). Firstly, you need to care for yourself as a Daddy and make sure you have your emotions and needs in check and in the right place before you find yourself a Little that you will be in a position of power and care over.

I find that communication is vital within any DDLG relationship (within any relationship for that fact!). Make sure channels of conversation are available to be open at all times with your Little, as they may need to talk to you about things they may or may not be happy with. Something to watch for as a Daddy is that your Little maybe too shy to speak to you about something they are unhappy with. Consider that your Little is under your care and that they put you in a position of authority and power in their head. They may not be able to easily bring up a problem with you in fear of a negative reaction from you as a their Daddy. Imagine a child trying to tell their father that they have a problem with their parenting skills. It can be a daunting task. I have found a few easy ways to engage with my Little and allow her to speak to me freely. Here are a few ideas for you to try:

  • Set aside a specific time every week i.e. 9pm on a Tuesday, that you and your Little can sit and chat to one another and know that there will be no judgement of anything spoken about during that time.
  • Create a space in your home that is known as the ‘Conversation Spot’ (call it what you like, obviously!) and whenever you are both sat in the spot, you know you can have open and honest conversation.
  • Have an item that represents a time to speak freely and whenever either one of you holds it, it is a symbol to the other that a conversation is wanted.

These are just a few ways in which you can create a space or time that makes it easier to have an open conversation with one another. Remember, it does not always need to be about problems either. You can have a conversation about good things that you both are enjoying or maybe things you may like to do or try together. Don’t just use it for a space to complain as you would not want to create a negative attachment to your conversation space as that may bring fear or sadness to you or your Little whenever the space is utilised.

I strongly recommend to everyone that you converse with one another to understand both your needs within your relationship and that way you will find yourself in a beneficial, fun and fulfilling DDLG relationship.